Where is my focus?

Many times over the past few weeks, I have seen or thought of the bible verse from 2 Corinthians 4 that reads, "So I focus my eyes not on what is seen but on what is unseen for what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." What a powerful verse. This has been one of my favorite verses (maybe even my top favorite) since at least my senior year in high school... And its a lot to unpack. There are so many thoughts swirling around my head when I read this verse and the verses preceding this... Where to start?

I am SO good, amazingly good at focusing on what is here in my sight and what I want to be in my sight in the next couple seconds, minutes, days, months, etc. I know what I want and I know when I want it. I have a GREAT plan for my life and how it should unfold... OR SO I THINK. 99% of the time I need to slow down. BE STILL. and listen to what God wants for my life.

I have a hard time hearing God. I start my day rushed. I lay in bed until the last possible second and then after a quick prayer or devotion (literally ONE minute) the rest of the morning is giving into the demands of my two little blessings. "I don't want white milk. NO, not that cup." "Can I paint?" "Can you read me a book?" "No, I don't want to go to the bathroom!" Or from my one year old, "COLOR." "TRUCK." "BALL."

When I get a couple minutes of peace and quiet after lunch, I take time to catch up on my social media updates, I browse the internet, I shower or I clean whatever I can that will not disturb the kids. Until I hear, "MAMA, MAMA." Then it is back to playing and loving on my beautiful children. No more peace until bedtime. At bedtime, my hubby and I finally have a chance to talk about life and our days. We talk about moving closer to his work, we talk about school for my oldest next year, we talk about cleaning our organized disaster of a house, and then we watch some shows to relax.

The lack of listening to God isn't because I don't have time. During moments here and there I beg him to yell to me, give me a sign on my time. But I don't hear a response a lot of times because my focus is off. I tell myself, "You deserve to relax and unwind and think about nothing." And while all that is important to keep me sane, I have an even bigger, A GIGANTIC unopened gift that can transform my life if I just make time. Worries, struggles, exhaustion can be transformed into JOY, LOVE, and LAUGHTER when I set my focus on Jesus. He has NEVER let me down. He has given me direct access to HIMSELF. What a MARVELOUS unseen gift. I am going to go take advantage of that gift right now while I have a few minutes....